Age Old Question

I feel like this question ALWAYS comes up in convos among friends, lovers and all those inbetween: Can really men and women be just friends?

A couple weeks ago, I caught up with a long time male friend over lunch. We chatted about our families, Christmas and New Years, our current dating life, the news, Baltimore Ravens, and all that good stuff. With both us being newly in relationships after a long time of living in singlehood, our conversation seemed to bounce back to our significant others. He mentioned running into a girl he had seen here and there in the past and reconnecting with her at a event. I cautioned him against starting a new friendship with an attractive gal since his girlfriend may not be totally fond of the idea. My philosophy was (is?) that he better hold on to all the friends of opposite sex that he has (LOL), because it's really a sticky situation to try to add more unless they are 100% girlfriend known and approved. You know the in a relationship or known you for years type. I told him if my boo got some new friend who was a cute, single girl, I'd be looking at him sideways LOL. He disagreed and felt that if he knew his own boundaries, why should it matter?

In the middle of the conversation, I started to realize my own hypocrisy. First of all, here I was on what to the naked eye looks like a date with a guy even though I KNOW it was like grabbing some food with family. Secondly, I have a  few male friends that I keep up with regularly and see when I get the chance. I've never really asked how the boo feels about it, I just let him know and keep it moving. I guess because I knew things were 100% platonic and not an issue, I brushed it off and made it a complete non-issue as it relates to our relationship. Luckily, he's a guy's guy and all his friends are husky, rough and tumble guys who talk about sports all day so I haven't really had to deal with him having female friends. I wonder what he thinks or if he worries. I wonder if my hypocritical feelings are the result of past infidelity that I've been on the receiving end of?

I'm not sure what the right answer is...so the age old question remains: Can men and women really be just friends?

New Year, New Resolutions

Happy New Year! 2013 is sure to bring bright blessings :)

So much has changed for me over the past year and it's amazing to see the growth in my personal and professional life and to just think back to how GREAT God has been. I started off 2012 still living in artic cold (lol) Minnesota. I put in 12 hour days on the regular, was habitually tired and was patiently waiting for the light at the end of tunnel. I sealed strong bonds with my co-residents and other friends I made in the Midwest. I ventured to Iowa. Dabbled in interracial dating. Got my first real job interview. Got my first real job offers. Drove 18 hours across half of the US. Lived my dream of having a nice spot in the city. Finally got to do for my family (<---That's big!). Hosted a party. Tried online dating. Dated and dabbled lol. Got a boyfriend. Reunited with friends I had been separated from by distance. This year has been a whirlwind of fun, growth and happiness :)

With the New Year also comes resolutions. I've already committed to being healthier in body, mind and spirit. I'm committing to trying to eat healthier and work out, to get the right amount of sleep and to pray and praise often.  The funny part about this year is that I don't have the same old resolution of: "I'm finally gonna get a boyfriend." To be honest, every year that I made that resolution, I never really put the effort into it. And I also wasn't ready to be anybody's girlfriend. I wasn't secure enough with myself, my feelings or my values.

My relationship resolution this year is to be my truest self. Sounds a little weird, but over the past couple years I have been working on this. Often, I have been/am the "yes" girl. Always willing, always obliges, always positive, never hurt/offended, always bending, never breaking. The boo who overlooks indiscretions and is "ok" with snippy comments. The friend who goes along the with plan but doesn't complain when my own plans are discarded by others. The coworker who covers for others lack of time management and is fine with having to miss a lunch break. I struggle with expressing my true feelings and opinions for fear of others' reactions or for fear of hurting others' feelings.  I am a sweet, down to earth girl who likes to read, likes to write, who prefers a lounge over a club, prefers good conversation over the bar, who can't dance that well (lol), who is sensitive yet keeps a smiling poker face, who loves Sundance channel movies and walks through new neighborhoods, who loves fervently and seeks the same. My resolution is to be that girl. Every day. All the time. Unapologetically. With my family, my friends and boyfriend. I'm working on my being my truest me :)

What's your relationship resolution?

Case of the Ex

Happy Holidays everyone! 

It's been awhile so I figured I'd update everyone on my journey. I'm still spending lots of wonderful time with the boo mentioned previously. In fact, I have a BOYFRIEND. Yes, a BOYFRIEND. To be honest, I've only had a BOYFRIEND for like 3 months of my adult life. I've had messy situations and boos but never a solid commitment and its fun and different. While I'm still getting used to sharing my time, I love the courtship, the wonderful dates, the cutesy phone photo shoots and all the other things that come with being a couple. And the guy....he's wonderful. Not the "I'm in the honeymoon phase" wonderful, but in the "he prays for and with me and kisses my forehead" wonderful.

Ok, enough of the mushiness LOL. In the midst of the new coupledom state that I'm in, I get a  phone call from my ex. The guy who was formerly known as the only boyfriend I ever had in my adult life. The guy who smashed my heart into billion pieces many times over. The guy who "changed" and reverted in a NY minute. The guy who played me left and right (and it was a white girl! Child!! lol). The guy whose calls I had been avoiding for the longest time because I knew one "hello" would have me right back in the middle of a hot mess relationship.

But this time, I answered the call. It was late and I had just got off the phone with my BF. The initial minutes were the cordial hi's and how you been's. Then, he let his true intentions be known. He proposed "stopping by/staying over" on his way home for Christmas vacation. A year ago I would not have been so strong to say no. But "no" rolled off my tongue sooner than I could process it. I let him know that I now have a boyfriend and would never disrespect him by mingling with an ex. Not only was I proud of myself, I was happy to be honest and making sure that chapter stays closed.

Many times, exes seem to crawl back into their former flames' lives to apologize, to try again, to get things right. While 10% of those re-attempts work out, I'm pretty certain that anyone (including myself) who has tried again with an ex soon realized that nothing was different and nobody changed. It's natural to want to try. Everybody wants the fairy tale happy ending. A reason for the pain. A smile at the end of a dark journey. But for most of us, an ex is simply a lesson on what NOT to tolerate and what to watch out for in the future. My ex taught me to never tolerate cheating, to be cautious with second chances, and that I am ALWAYS a gem, even if someone treats me differently.

It's funny how exes come back when you're with someone else. When they sense somehow that their unhealthy grip on your heart has diminished. I hope he learns to be better to his next love. And to be the love he seeks to find. In spite of all the craziness and tears, I thank God for the lessons he showed me with my ex. Because right now, I have the pleasure of spending a very happy chapter of my life with a guy who treats me like a princess, respects me with his whole heart, and appreciates the woman  in his life. Good girls don't finish last

Smooth Sailing

Now that the Thanksgiving holiday has passed, I can finally catch up on blogging :) The dating world continues to be good to me. After narrowing down my dating team, I have been putting more focus on the guy, who we'll call Justin, who really caught my interest. And things have been great

Justin has continued to take me on wonderful dates and outings. He has a lot of great qualities; he's caring, sweet, romantic, Christian, and funny. I normally don't consider myself a lovey dovey type of person when it comes to dating and relationships, but I can already see Justin changing me. When we're having dinner, he grabs my hand at the table. When we get ready to head out, he helps me put my jacket on. When we watch TV, he rubs my hair. It's really weird at times to see myself so giddy with him but its also refreshing. In the past with guys, I've been very guarded. Justin has been very successful and is slowly (very slowly) melting the icebox that is (was) my heart.

Our conversations are what really make me feel continuously connected to him. We talk for hours about everything in life and in the news. The other day, we chatted about our Christian faith and how to integrate Christian values into today's family. The day before that we talked about places we want to visit and our biggest inspirations. Even his voice makes the conversation feel elevated. I feel so mushy right now because I'm literally smiling as I type.

I don't want to move too fast or "catch feelings" too quick, but I vow not to be as romantically rigid as before. He's a sweetheart and he treats me like a princess (honestly). Today I'm very happy with my dating life and I'm going to enjoy this moment.

The Bachelorette

I must say, I'm happy that my dating life has finally taken flight after a year of blah. It's exciting, fun and fresh. I get special dates, cute glances, hand holds and all that cute stuff. The only problem is that I feel guilty sharing those things with more than one person. Call it what you want, but I feel bad after having a date and smooches with guy and then doing the same with another guy two days later and then texting another after I leave that date. I have no idea how the people on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette can manage. In my rawest, truest form, I'm a sweetheart and a softy. And I can't do that to someone or myself. It's probably not the smartest idea to throw all my eggs in one basket and just focus on one guy at a time, but I think that's what will work best for me.

The tough part now is to go from a few suitors down to one. I have to have a couple uncomfortable conversations to let some know it's not going any further. I don't want to lead anyone on so I definitely need to do this sooner rather than later. Tonight I'll start with one. The main driving factor behind my feelings is that one guy definitely stands out from the pack. He takes me on awesome dates, is easygoing, he's manly, and most of all he loves the Lord. One day I was telling him about some issues I was having with a person who I felt like was taking advantage of my kindness, and he said, "Don't worry. Keep being yourself. God sees what you're doing and you'll be blessed because of it." Smarts are impressive, a great job is impressive, but a man who can connect with me and guide me on a spiritual level is the most impressive. I don't know exactly where I'm headed with this guy but he's not like anyone else I've met in awhile. I know he's looking for a committed relationship, and I asked him to give me time (at least a couple of months) to get to know him better. He's cool with that and I was glad to see he would be patient.

The only perks I'll miss of being The Bachelorette is being treated like a princess. I was definitely getting spoiled lol. I may revisit that dating lifestyle in the future, but for right now, I'll take things one guy at time.

Connection

Saturday night I went out with a college friend, his girl and his friend/brother. We chatted, saw a movie and grabbed dinner. I could already tell from the jump that my friend was trying to find a way to get me to interact with this "friend/brother" guy...and as a single girl, I appreciated it. It's always nice to have someone you know trying to set you up with someone they feel you'd be good with. I had met the guy before (he came to a get together at my place as my friend's guest) but this was my first time really getting to know him. It was a good time (though the action movie we saw had a lot of gore and head chopping going on lol).

At the end of the night, I bid adieu to my friend and his girlfriend and the guy walked me to my car. It was only supposed to take a minute but I ended up staying for around 5 hours. Somewhere in between the late night stroll, exchanged smiles and a good night, we both found ourselves utterly smitten. It was something like an unexplainable force field that made each of us want to just sit and talk and cuddle and even kiss until we couldn't anymore. There was heart racing infatuation yet comfort and easiness at the same time. Honestly, in those wee hours of the morning, I felt excited just to breathe his air and found an equal excitement with him. Childlike giddiness that I couldn't really explain...or deny. Our conversation bounced from life to things we like to do for fun to aspirations to disappointments. It felt like he was on my mental and emotional wavelength, and he was the best kiss I've had in years.

After our lengthy date, I drove home on a high from the night's events. I never even slept...just went straight to 7 AM church service. The rest of the day I thought about him and ignored those vain/materials factors (i.e. his lack of a good job) that I value which may prevent me from pursuing him on a serious level. We have date #2 planned for later this week :) I don't know where this could be headed or where he falls in my dating journey, but I know for certain that I want my last romance to be with someone who makes me feel the electric connection that I felt that night.

It's cool I got it

 First off, praise God for a victory for our President!! Last night was another great moment in African American and US history :)

Before all the polls were closed and votes were tallied, I found myself on date #2 with the same guy from the previous post. I know what you're thinking...."So soon?" lol...but it was his birthday and he asked to spend it with little old me. It's so funny because we I arrived at the date location, I saw a guy in the distance and thought "Dang, he's cute." Upon a closer look, I realized it was actually my date! He was very sharp for his birthday and I appreciated it :) We went to eat at a cute little retro burger place which was yummy and fun. Then we headed to the movies to see Looper (which was another great, action packed and thought provoking film--go see it!).  Once again, I did enjoy his company and he was fun to be around.  We talked politics, life and music at dinner and gasped and flinched at all the crazy moments during the movie. One of the main attracting factors that he has is his maturity. I've never dated a guy that was more than a year or two older (he's 4 years older) and the maturity and grown man swag is kinda nice.

The best part of the date was probably his surprise at the fact that I paid for dinner and the movie. I've never actually [willingly lol] paid for a date with a guy that wasn't my boyfriend. But I thought, it's his birthday, and I would be a jerk if I let him pay...everyone deserves to feel special at least once a year. At dinner he didn't even realized that I paid the bill while he slipped to the restroom, and when he found out I paid, he looked genuinely astonished. At the movies, I had to literally take his debit card out of his hand so he wouldn't pass it to the cashier. He said, "No, I got this at least," and I let him know that as a believer in birthdays, I wouldn't allow it lol.

I hardly know this guy but paying for that date felt right.  I felt so empowered to treat someone else to a nice evening and say "It's cool, I got it." Don't get me wrong, this will be strictly limited to birthdays and other yet to be designated days lol

***I love her cause she got her own***
She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain't nothing in this world sexy
Than a girl that want but don't need me
***Young independent, yea she work hard***