Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Proverbs 31 Woman in Progress
Sunday, October 28, 2012
You a bad girl and your friends bad too....
I got back into today from homecoming weekend at the always wonderful HU. I'm a proud alumnae and love the chance to go back and see the campus, hear the band, and attempt to relive the glory days of my youth in 48 hours. It was pretty rainy and overcast this weekend, but it didn't really stop anyone from having fun or from looking fly. Hamptonians, especially the girls, are known for being a sweet mixture of bourgeosie, smarts and beauty. If I think back to how I looked and dressed freshman year, I can definitely say that I was Hamptonized (lol) along with all of my friends. We went from tank tops, cornrows/flat twists in the front, and light washed jeans to pincurls, pearls, Bovanti (hehe), and vintage finds. That transformation made me into the lady am I today, and I am forever grateful for the being able to blossom into a Hamptonian woman.
Walking around campus and the Student Center, it was strikingly obvious that my school is home to some of the baddest alumnae and students period. As far as the eyes could see there were seas of flawless hair/weaves, make-up to die for, and bone structure straight out of a magazine; from the Class of 2012 to the Class of '82...fabulousity abounded. It's weird because it kinda brought back those insecure feelings I had back in my undergrad days of "How will anyone notice me when there are there are soooo many pretty girls here." In high school there were always a couple super pretty girls, but HU had flocks of them that would dare to make even a girl that was cute in the pre-Hampton world feel subpar at times. It's those same thoughts that made many girls accept much lower than what they deserved in relationships with guys..I know I was guilty of that for some time. Just as all those old thoughts crossed my mind, I thought about it again...we all have our dime qualities, we had them back then and still have them now.
It's easy to be intimidated by a single, young woman who appears flawless and fabulous because we're a competitive species who want to make sure that we get our fair cut of the boyfriend/fiance/husband pool. But, it's not just having the Chanel Iman face or the Emily B. body for every guy...sure that will get attention, gifts, and even love...but there are other things that get guys' attention too. Smarts, wit, charm, kindheartedness, poise, the list goes on and on. Every woman is dime in her own right. When it comes to being caring, I'm a dime. Challenge me in Jeopardy, and you'll see my brain is a dime too lol. I wish I could whisper that to my freshman year self so that I would've walked with just a bit more confidence in not just my outer appearance, but inner as well. Thankfully, my grown/growing woman self is in a much better space. I think when we as ladies acknowledge that we are dimes, gems, gifts from God, we begin to refuse any relationship that makes us feel less than.
<3
SN: I have a date tomorrow that Hurricane Sandy is likely gonna delay. It's all good though, I definitely can wait a few more days
Walking around campus and the Student Center, it was strikingly obvious that my school is home to some of the baddest alumnae and students period. As far as the eyes could see there were seas of flawless hair/weaves, make-up to die for, and bone structure straight out of a magazine; from the Class of 2012 to the Class of '82...fabulousity abounded. It's weird because it kinda brought back those insecure feelings I had back in my undergrad days of "How will anyone notice me when there are there are soooo many pretty girls here." In high school there were always a couple super pretty girls, but HU had flocks of them that would dare to make even a girl that was cute in the pre-Hampton world feel subpar at times. It's those same thoughts that made many girls accept much lower than what they deserved in relationships with guys..I know I was guilty of that for some time. Just as all those old thoughts crossed my mind, I thought about it again...we all have our dime qualities, we had them back then and still have them now.
It's easy to be intimidated by a single, young woman who appears flawless and fabulous because we're a competitive species who want to make sure that we get our fair cut of the boyfriend/fiance/husband pool. But, it's not just having the Chanel Iman face or the Emily B. body for every guy...sure that will get attention, gifts, and even love...but there are other things that get guys' attention too. Smarts, wit, charm, kindheartedness, poise, the list goes on and on. Every woman is dime in her own right. When it comes to being caring, I'm a dime. Challenge me in Jeopardy, and you'll see my brain is a dime too lol. I wish I could whisper that to my freshman year self so that I would've walked with just a bit more confidence in not just my outer appearance, but inner as well. Thankfully, my grown/growing woman self is in a much better space. I think when we as ladies acknowledge that we are dimes, gems, gifts from God, we begin to refuse any relationship that makes us feel less than.
<3
SN: I have a date tomorrow that Hurricane Sandy is likely gonna delay. It's all good though, I definitely can wait a few more days
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Job Snob
Everything is going good so far in the online dating world. The initial feeling of "is this what my dating life has come to?" has been replaced with piqued interests and good conversations with new people. While I get messages and winks from guys a good amount, most are either old or extremely weird. But 10% of them are actually just new-to-town, normal, hardworking people like me. It's encouraging and exciting :)
The beginning conversations on the site are usually the how-are-yous, where you from and all that jazz; so of course, the "what do you do question?" pops up. When searching for potential guys to get to know, I make a point to choose only guys with bachelors degrees or higher. I've met guys who are lawyers, managers, physicians, consultants, teachers and all that, but one of the guys who I have a good amount in common with is a bus dispatcher -___- He has a bachelors and masters degree in the IT field but couldn't grab a job in his field and has been doing his to keep the checks coming. A few thoughts cross my mind either (a) he never really graduated from college (although I fact checked [lol] this and found his alumni info) (b) times really are just that tough or (c) he isn't trying hard enough. I am starting to believe that (b) is the most probably answer, but I'm wondering why I'm having such a hard time dealing with his occupation.
Even though I went to private school full of many well off students, I didn't grow up that way. I have blue collar, high school educated parents who worked hard to provide for me and my sisters. I would never want any guy judging my mom because she doesn't have a fabulous job or a college degree. She's hardworking, nice, smart and probably can beat anyone I know (including me) in Jeopardy. She's loyal to her family and would do anything for us. All qualities that any person would want in a partner. Sooo....yeah, a job is important to help keep funds in the family and provide, but should it matter so much to me? Am I being a job snob? Is the bond between two people really all that matters?
The beginning conversations on the site are usually the how-are-yous, where you from and all that jazz; so of course, the "what do you do question?" pops up. When searching for potential guys to get to know, I make a point to choose only guys with bachelors degrees or higher. I've met guys who are lawyers, managers, physicians, consultants, teachers and all that, but one of the guys who I have a good amount in common with is a bus dispatcher -___- He has a bachelors and masters degree in the IT field but couldn't grab a job in his field and has been doing his to keep the checks coming. A few thoughts cross my mind either (a) he never really graduated from college (although I fact checked [lol] this and found his alumni info) (b) times really are just that tough or (c) he isn't trying hard enough. I am starting to believe that (b) is the most probably answer, but I'm wondering why I'm having such a hard time dealing with his occupation.
Even though I went to private school full of many well off students, I didn't grow up that way. I have blue collar, high school educated parents who worked hard to provide for me and my sisters. I would never want any guy judging my mom because she doesn't have a fabulous job or a college degree. She's hardworking, nice, smart and probably can beat anyone I know (including me) in Jeopardy. She's loyal to her family and would do anything for us. All qualities that any person would want in a partner. Sooo....yeah, a job is important to help keep funds in the family and provide, but should it matter so much to me? Am I being a job snob? Is the bond between two people really all that matters?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
To Swirl or Not to Swirl
Last night my former Minnesotan boo called me up to say ask when I was gonna visit him in the Great North. We chatted for a bit about life updates...what's new on the East Coast, what's new in the Midwest, and it was nice to catch up with him. I can't say I have any overwhelmingly strong longings to ever see him again but talking with him had me thinking....am I gonna make swirling apart of my dating life this go around?
While I prefer the romantic company of a handsome African American guy, I do consider myself an equal opportunity lover. I had kissed a white guy or two before having a semi-long term friendship/boo love with my Minnesota guy. He was a definitely a cute guy with a great job at IBM. He liked the History Channel like me, he was a trained at MMA fighter gym for fun (and had a matching body!), and he helped me when I had car trouble. But alot of things were way t0o opposite for my taste: like food, life experience, music interests, values. And we even had those weird race conversations that you'd never expect, like "Do black people get a tan?" lol
Overall, while I don't mind the swirl, I'm not sure if a non-black male can fully understand everything that is a a black woman....the struggle, the nuances, my hair, the way society views me v. what I am, my everything. I'd hate to limit my mind and dating circle to a limited pool but those aforementioned things aren't just things you can fill out on a questionnaire or common interests, it's common experiences, values, and points of view.
While I prefer the romantic company of a handsome African American guy, I do consider myself an equal opportunity lover. I had kissed a white guy or two before having a semi-long term friendship/boo love with my Minnesota guy. He was a definitely a cute guy with a great job at IBM. He liked the History Channel like me, he was a trained at MMA fighter gym for fun (and had a matching body!), and he helped me when I had car trouble. But alot of things were way t0o opposite for my taste: like food, life experience, music interests, values. And we even had those weird race conversations that you'd never expect, like "Do black people get a tan?" lol
Overall, while I don't mind the swirl, I'm not sure if a non-black male can fully understand everything that is a a black woman....the struggle, the nuances, my hair, the way society views me v. what I am, my everything. I'd hate to limit my mind and dating circle to a limited pool but those aforementioned things aren't just things you can fill out on a questionnaire or common interests, it's common experiences, values, and points of view.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wanted: Strong Man...literally lol
For the past few days, I have struggled to open a precious jar of pineapple mango salsa. The salsa looks so delicious and yummy and its so frustrating that I can't open the darn thing. And this isn't the first time this has happened; I got a jar of salsa a couple weeks ago from Trader Joe's that I couldn't enjoy till a friend came over to pop the lid. Not that I'm some weak, fragile being but these jars are uncharacteristically tight (or so I tell myself). The point is...if I had a boo around I'd be enjoying some lovely salsa right now as I relax after a long day at work. Its those little manly things that a boyfriend would be helpful for. Opening tight lids, taking out the trash, killing bugs, lifting heavy stuff, assembling IKEA furniture.
On the flip side, I'm not sure I necessarily want the other part of having a boyfriend, which is having someone that you have to constantly share your time, your life with. I know it sounds kinda selfish but I'm not certain that that's what I want. I like having time to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. I like not having to run my plans past anyone and feeling absolutely able to follow my every passion/urge/care/whim
On the flip flip side, companionship would be great. I see so many cute restaurants in Mount Vernon and by the harbor that I'd love to explore. While I have a good amount of friends in the surrounding area whom I see pretty regularly, I don't have any close friends in the city besides my older sister. Going out to eat, going to lounges, and exploring new parks and neighborhoods sound like things I'd love to do with a boo. Clearly, I'm not exactly sure what I want...let's hope I found out once all this is said in done ;)
On the flip side, I'm not sure I necessarily want the other part of having a boyfriend, which is having someone that you have to constantly share your time, your life with. I know it sounds kinda selfish but I'm not certain that that's what I want. I like having time to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. I like not having to run my plans past anyone and feeling absolutely able to follow my every passion/urge/care/whim
On the flip flip side, companionship would be great. I see so many cute restaurants in Mount Vernon and by the harbor that I'd love to explore. While I have a good amount of friends in the surrounding area whom I see pretty regularly, I don't have any close friends in the city besides my older sister. Going out to eat, going to lounges, and exploring new parks and neighborhoods sound like things I'd love to do with a boo. Clearly, I'm not exactly sure what I want...let's hope I found out once all this is said in done ;)
Friday, October 19, 2012
Sometimes You Just Gotta Take the Plunge
Somewhere in between being in grad school and doing post-grad training, my dating life hit a slump. Not that I've ever been the honer of the best guys or hottest dates, but my current love life is at an absolute standstill. Unacceptable lol. Last year, I really could blame a lame dating life on being an East Coast black girl living in suburban Minnesota and working 12 hour days -__- . But now, I'm back in my comfort zone and living in a major city, so it's time to get the ball rolling.
Being new to town, I've hit the nightlife scene looking my best, exchanged smiles and pleasantries with the opposite sex in hallways at work, and even responded to "hey gorgeous" calls from streetworkers; but still no dating and no boo. So, earlier this week I decided to try online dating. Yeah, online dating at 25...this is what my love life has come to lol
Suprisingly, I've seen several good looking, well established guys on Match.com. But of course, with the good comes the bad. I must admit that I have been asked out on a date: to a haunted house. It seemed like an ok date except that I'm a major scaredy cat who hasn't seen a horror film since I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and the guy's job/home life seem a little sketch. Not that having an amazing job and a professional degree is a dealmaker/breaker, but I don't feel like he was honest; if he has an amazing job on Capitol Hill, why does he live in the burbs with his parents? Another guy also seems like a great catch, except the phone number he gave me is a landline. Now back in 2003, this would have been completely acceptable (and we would've chatted on AIM on the side lol)...but I'm wondering...is this his only phone line? I'm probably jumping too quickly to judgment because he told me he's a bus dispatcher (despite having a grad degree).
Overall, online dating isn't as easy as it seems. But I will definitely stick it out. The good part is that it's week one and I can say that I have gotten asked out on a date for the first time since June and I have a few decent guys who seem interested. This may be a rocky journey but it might end up being the start of something good :)
Being new to town, I've hit the nightlife scene looking my best, exchanged smiles and pleasantries with the opposite sex in hallways at work, and even responded to "hey gorgeous" calls from streetworkers; but still no dating and no boo. So, earlier this week I decided to try online dating. Yeah, online dating at 25...this is what my love life has come to lol
Suprisingly, I've seen several good looking, well established guys on Match.com. But of course, with the good comes the bad. I must admit that I have been asked out on a date: to a haunted house. It seemed like an ok date except that I'm a major scaredy cat who hasn't seen a horror film since I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and the guy's job/home life seem a little sketch. Not that having an amazing job and a professional degree is a dealmaker/breaker, but I don't feel like he was honest; if he has an amazing job on Capitol Hill, why does he live in the burbs with his parents? Another guy also seems like a great catch, except the phone number he gave me is a landline. Now back in 2003, this would have been completely acceptable (and we would've chatted on AIM on the side lol)...but I'm wondering...is this his only phone line? I'm probably jumping too quickly to judgment because he told me he's a bus dispatcher (despite having a grad degree).
Overall, online dating isn't as easy as it seems. But I will definitely stick it out. The good part is that it's week one and I can say that I have gotten asked out on a date for the first time since June and I have a few decent guys who seem interested. This may be a rocky journey but it might end up being the start of something good :)
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